French Etiquette

If you want to know how to hold your fork and avoid having the air of a "plouc", Marie de Tilly (right) can instruct you on French étiquette.

If you have been living in France for any length of time you naturally want to "dine" with your French friends and neighbours. That is "diner" or "déjeurner" with, not "manger" with. "Manger" is ugly, cela ne se dit pas. You "mange une pomme", but you dine with your friends. Ah yes thats how it is.

And if you want to dine with your friends you do need to know some of the basic rules of the table, so as not to offend or make faux pas and feel socially awkward, which is after all so easy in a country where the language is quasiment inprononçable before you even start.

So, I am intensely grateful that Marie de Tilly comes to the rescue on France Culture Radio, as you might expect on France's equivilent of Radio 4, and delightfully instructs fluent speaking foreigners in matters of taste and elegance at the French dinner table. And, "élégance" is what it is all about it apparently. What is elegant or isn't is the deciding factor in matters related to French étiquette.

So here are some basic rules:

1) Do not turn up on time. No, no, no! It is somewat rude to do so, and if you do you will probably find your host still getting dressed. Turn up between 15 - 30 minutes late. If they say come at 7.00 they mean come after 7.00.

2) Be clean and dress elegantly and smartly. Make a good first impression, have a firm handshake, not a bone crusher or a limp fish. Yes you can bring a gift also, sometimes even the day before apparently.

3) You don't say "enchanté" - you add a little phrase such as "je suis enchanté de vous faire connaissance", or something else in a sentence that makes a link with that person.

4) When introduced to a couple, always greet the woman first. You also stand up to meet a woman if you are a man, but a woman does not need to stand to greet a man.

5) At meals always wait for the maitresse, the woman of the house, decide where you sit, and when to start the meal. In fact she is your guide to almost everything.

6) The maitress will put the woman the most honoured to her right and the woman the most aged to her left. However these days it is indiscrete to identify the woman who is the oldest so this isn't really done except in very bourgeois households, or where there is an older woman who would expect this.

7) You do not say "bon appétit". No, no no, this is not élégant. You would only say that with very informal gatherings and maybe in the south. Don't say it in a soirée in Paris. It is said still in restaurants however.

8)Keep your hands on the table. French people never let their hands stray into their laps. Its not done.

9) You can talk about politics etc but obviously avoid doing so if you are seated with extremists.

10) Do not get up to go to the toilet during the meal. This doesn't happen. If you need to go, wait until the maitresse is changing courses and ask to go and "laver les mains", wash you hands.

11) The cheese is only served once, it does not come back round, so take what you want the first time around.

12) Do not help yourself to wine. Your host will take care of that for you generally.

13) When your host brings out fruit juices at the end of the repas you know that it is time to go. She is tired and wants you to finish up.

14) You can send a card to remercier your host afterwards.


If you want to hear more here is the podcast itself:

http://www.franceculture.fr/emission-les-bonnes-mani%C3%A8res-5-la-french-etiquette-2007-01-12.html